An Entry

I have a question. What is the similarites between Alladin and Cinderella and Snow White and Beauty and The Beast? Yes, they are all folks stories you often find in children storybooks which have been remade, fabulously, by Disney. But that is not the answer I am looking for. All four of them depict similar plots – the female protagonists are trapped in some sort of predicaments. The heroes, usually the male characters, will then come into the scene, extricate them and Fin: they live happily ever after. A Happy Ending.

It is definite that people are working towards that Happy Ending.

Yet, one could not help but to ponder, what is a Happy Ending? Two different individuals falls in love with each other, experience ups and downs, get engaged, another cycle of ups and downs, get married, trapped in the wheel of ups and downs, have children, grow old together yet their love never fade – they grow stronger till Death comes and picks them up. Is that a definition of Happy Ending?

Undoubtedly, it is a Happy Ending. But it is not the only definition of a Happy Ending.

Having chosen the road not taken, I have come to gear myself with pschological armours to fight in a war for being different. A war between myself and society.  The moment I had travelled the bent road, it was crystal clear for me that I would be battered with society’s scorn, bombed with relatives’ never-ending “When” and “Why” questions and pierced with your beloved family’s screeching howl. It will be, and will always be, an uphill task to gloriously attain victory over this war.

In fact, the incessant attacks pelted against my armours will wear me out. And eventually, there will be moments when I am on the verge of giving up. Yet, I would never retreat from the war for the determination of achieveing my Happy Ending, the mission, will never be extinguished.

What is, then, my Happy Ending? Dying  without regrets and having accomplished what I have always longed to achieve without losing my own self.

I could simply opt to take the conventional way of living, and perhaps aiming for the Happy Ending the stories, or rather the society has imposed on you,  have foretold to come into realization. Nevertheless, i did not take that offer for there are more things in life to savour rather than conforming to the society.

What is YOUR Happy Ending? Define it, by yourself.

I am back! After a few days of break, my hands start to itch wildly, dying to write a new post (lol, I sound like an avid blogger, while I am not, haha)

Here I am, slouching comfortably on my high-back green chair in the corner of my house’s living room, accompanied by the cacophonous bangs caused by the heavy drizzles pelted against on the roof and zounds of buzzing mosquitoes who were kind enough to aid me in losing my extra fats by sucking my blood into their stomach. And I am trying my very hard to formulate what I am about to say, especially when the cooling wind soothe my soul that I am enchanted to fall into slumber.

So I am gonna write a short one. :0

Returning to my land of birth, I had a paradoxical feeling, of Love and of Odium. The fact that I am once again reconciled with my mom and dad and my older brothers, I am more than ecstatic. It was euphoric to know that I could retake what was stolen from me – Cooking. And I am loving it, cooking is addictive! lol

BUT, everyday I woke up with me questioning myself silently in my heart, “what am I going to do today?” Other than cooking, my days were filled with a series of eating-sleeping-bathing-eating-eating-eating. And it torments me, eroding my mind bit by bit. And I am going fat, after a week-long of strict diet and exercises, making those efforts vapourized into thin air. I loathe it.

What should I do?

the idiot me with the huge specs

I was not in love. I was CRAZY in love, seriously.

Yes, my mind was recently ALWAYS occupied with visuals of that particular person.  Yes, I always thought of that person, whenever and whereever I went. Yes, I always associate everything to that person. Yes, it was painful when that person expressed the doubt about me. Yes, i was paranoid of losing that person.

Yes, I was insanely in love with that person.

I would be away from tomorrow onwards till 4th January, leisurely wasting the rest of my holiday in my birthland. I was NOT so enthusiastic about going home recently. I mean, seriously, I would love to see my mom and my dad and my brothers again, I was dying to, especially when tomorrow happened to be my mom’s birthday, so I kinda anticipating loads of fun tomorrow. BUT, the thoughts of nothing-to-do-ness just turns me off. Soon, when I reached home, wakeup-cooking-eating-eating-eating-eating-sleep is gonna be my daily routine, which is dreadful to visualise especially after gallons of sweats and bloods and tears excreted in the past few weeks from burning my fats. Certainly, I would be a Snowman in the spring once I reached Singapore back. Sigh…

the slutty me with big specs

It would be another two weeks before I could have my STARBUCKS again. I am missing it badly, so bad that I kinda forcing myself to have it by today, die die must get. But, the STARBUCKS thinks differently, telling me to not do so, declaring the silliness of mine.

Am i being silly? It was indeed the side-effect of being insanely in love with someone, perhaps? While the feeling was worth of treasuring in the heart for ages, I truly disdain the moment i transformed into a child-like beast, demanding the presence of that person for satisfying my desires of seeing that person. I detest it when I was losing my cool side of mine, which always reject the idea of ‘ I am missing you so much, can I see you?’, I could not even believe that phrase was mouthed by my own mouth! I am not being myself, and I don’t like it. And I decided to bury this infirm side of mine deeply in the next two weeks, although I could finally grasp a fragment of falling-in-love-sensations, one which I had been searching for long. But I have to do this, if not, it is gonna be excruciating, and throbing and agonizing for both me and you. But you do know the feeling deep inside me, and it would remain there. It is just that I may not express it so freely anymore. And I am still waiting for you.

For two of my EX-es, please forgive me if I have ever told how childish you are by keep missing me. Now I have finally fathomed how you felt that time. Although, it is too late now, but my sincere apology goes to both of you.

There were, recently, people who complimented me cause of part of my body : nose. One even asking me, how much I have spent to do my nose, which kinda sent jolts of shocks on my nerves. I mean, my nose IS real, it was not done by human hands, it was inherited from my parents, lol.

I met an awesome lady when I was on my way to purchase the medicine meant for my godmother. She was plump, kinda short, Filipino-accented with a glaring, goldish necklace with cross pendant hugging the barely visible neck. Okay, I might sound a little bit skeptic here, but she IS fantastic, in speaking without full-stops and comas. She passed me a piece of paper when I was taking a dosage of tar into my veins. Inside was about the Good News of Jesus. Not knowing that I am already a believer, she kept mentioning about the paper and urged me to go to church, persistently. I mean, just imagine, even after I was five steps away from her, she still continues on preaching about it. And my ears were muffled with my earphone, listening to Keeps Getting Better. Juz imagine how persistent and loud she was. I just could not bear to inform her that I am already a believer, after all she would think that I am taking excuses, rite?

I wanna have my own Christmas tree.

Woops, sorry for jumping a few days, lol… Juz thinking it would be much more convenient if I cheated a little bit, writing on Saturday although it is not the end of the day yet, haha…

Another day of heavy had, but thanks to Oolong Tea, it just felt much better, although a little bit of the ache still lingers on the head. Despite of the vow I have taken a few weeks back, I broke it once again when I was PLAY-ing with my friends. But it was an enjoyable time, feeling a little bit guilty towards 5 of them for patiently spending the time till dawn, although I could see their eyes were already swollen and black, lol. Heartfelt thanks went to these 5 chivalrous gentlemen: Eiffel, Danny, Fendi, Sam and Ethan. Each of you have won my admiration, haha.

This is what I disdain when I was dwelling in the other side of my mind – not knowing exactly what was happening around me and idiotically, could not keep my mouth shut. Sorry if I have opened up the pandora box for everyone to hear. Sorry if i have mistreated you. It was purely my mistake >.<. And NO, uncles just do not appear on my list, lol.

Vanilla Caffe Latte @ Sooma Cafe

I was waiting for Saturday – I was supposed to go for a Focus Group organized by a non-profit organization, Action for Aids (AFA), with one purpose – to discover ways to reach to the younger generation on the underestimated toxin of the disease. I was expecting a huge crowd, a room filled with desk-chairs, lecture-like. But to my surprise, pleasantly, there were only three of us, seated in a tranquil ambience corner of the cafe. I had fun, I made friends, hopefully, and I savoured a five-star Thai Vermicelli, one delicacy the cafe offers which I love and will always love, lol. I also ordered a cup of Vanilla Latte as I am still missing my STARBUCKS badly and, OMG, see how they served it, so pretty! ( please forgive me if i am being soft-hearted, i juz could not stand seeing kawaii things, lol)

Love is in the air. How do you know when you fall in love? Do you always keep him/her in your mind, displaying a slide shows of his images silently in your head or relating every single things to him/her (Oh, he would look good in that shirt, or, Oh, that earings would suit her best). Do you always feel pain if he/she does not trust you? Or perhaps, scared of losing him/her?

Am I in love? I am not too sure.

It was the worst morning. Ever. Asthma, with terrible cough plus spinning head was my breakfast. I was telling myself, perhaps, I, ultimately, had to take a rest today. Alas, I still decided to sweat a little bit by going gym, driven by the fact that the gym would cheat my money if i did not go three times a week today, lol.

It was 3 pm when I reached the wretched embassy again. To my surprise, it was pretty much efficient than the previous day when my visit turned into a disdainful nightmare. This time round, it only took me around 10 minutes (WOW!) and taraaa, the so-called passport was on my hand.

I was relieved. I was glad. I was ecstatic. But it did not last long. When i spoke to the Immigration officer, she informed me that I would need a confirmation letter from school which was taken away by the previous officer for the making of Special Pass. What more, she told me that they would take another 2 weeks for the re-issuance of student pass. Shyt, that simply means, another two days of waiting before I could submit my application, and another two weeks before the whole passport saga is gonna be concluded.

It was already 6 pm when I reached home. I was intending to donate blood before I turned that thought down as my body may not be able to endure the loss of so much blood, lol.  Fatigue was plaging my already infirm body, so the only remedy readily available was SLEEP! haha

Was recommended a few songs by my friends, for I suddenly craved for some songs, for no reason, hehe… Andrew’s Top 5 Hit of the month:

1. Britney Spears – Womanizer*

http://www.2shared.com/file/4481647/327f5993/Britney_Spears_-_Womanizer_.html

2. Kate Parry – Hot n Cold

3. Alexandra Burke – Hallelujah

4. Lady Gaga – Poker Face

5. Beyonce – Single Ladies

yay, been listening to these songs over and over again, lol… And one might be surprised of knowing me liking Britney’s song! lol…

I was still missing my STARBUCKS, tho I had already sipped my usual cup of Venti, low fat milk, no whipped Ice Chocolate, I still wanted more! Perhaps tomorrow?

I knew it was gonna be tough. Waking up at 730 when your eyes are swollen, your throat was constricted with slimy-algaeish-lime colored mucuous that cause breathlessness, and ache all over my thighs, is indeed an uphill challange. But there was I, waking up at 730 for the sake of being the first few in lines in the embassy of my country, shortening my expected waiting time. After all, I juz wanna get it done and over with.

026. That is the queue number. It was 901 am. And I was the 26th. Well, i marched to take a snap of myself (I was horrified seeing myself in the blue background picture – I look so dead! LOL), and was ripped off by the photocopy shop ( where the theory of monopoly came into practice – 50 cents for each page? OMFG!). And once I returned to the waiting room, the sign read: 022. Wew, that is fast, I thought, without realizing that I was far too fast in making the conclusion.

‘Could you check in second level and fill in this form?’ asked the gloomy face AKHBAR (Not his real name). Obediently, like a puppy, I went up, waited for a little bit longer before they informed me they had no record wadsoever about my lost passport. Approached him again, and this time round, he asked me, “Where is the NON-TRANSLATED birth certificate?”. I persevered in convincing him that there was no difference between the translated and non-translated cert, yet to no avail. Seriously, I could not see the difference between these two documents, unless they really could not understand English at all.

There was I, waiting for the fax from my parents to arrive, filling in the Sudoku Box on the TODAY. Once my dad informed me that it was sent, I approached him, AGAIN, and submitted the whole sets of documents. These time round, it was accepted and he continued on, “Wait, your name will be called.”

There was I, once again, waiting for my name to be called. There was a surge of relief when my name was called, not expecting the treatment I was about to receive, THE JUDGEMENT, by the so-called-self-claimed-GOD. He was obnoxious, bushy thick moustache masking the area above his lips. He sluggishly wore a seemingly oversized shirt, with a HUGE, yes GIGANTIC, ring on his left hand, indicating his marriage status.

He investigated me. And i patiently answered his question truthfully, till the ultimate blow came out: “Whether you need to go or not, that is YOUR business, not mine. U have no right to push me as an authority to accelerate the process of making the passport, or even giving u the passport. U lost it, u have to be punished, and waiting for another 2 weeks would be sufficient. After all, we could not anyhow giving u new passport since yours is relatively new, and we still need to wait for stocks from Jakarta. Our priority will be people who are truly in need, not you.”

Yes, he is nasty. Yes, he is arrogant. Yes, he is a BITCH. I was smiling all the way, nodding my head, humbling myself, apologizing to him. But inside, the fiery dragon has been awakened, i seriously felt like slapping him, cursed him with all my french and GRRRRRRR… . Luckily, this time round my mind works better than my dick, shackling myself from being exploded.

It was 1230 when I saw my phone. And the queue number was 144. ***K!

Beware my frenz, if u need to go to my country’s embassy, be prepared to get jacked.

It is 1 am already, and here I am still awake and was squeezing the last drips of my brain juices in writing this post. I am really clueless, for suddenly there is this surging desire burning in my heart to update my blog, a routine in which I always failed to do, haha…

School is getting hectic and more hectic by next week, thanks to all my projects due next week. I finish school pretty late today, trying to finish up my Creative Thinking Module, although it is less than half done, sigh…

Anw, here is the picture I took in the school library – not that I am obsessed with rubbish bins, but these pictures are needed for my project: the need of recycling in our school. Note: both rubbish bin is the same, taken at different time: the left taken at 7pm and the right taken at 11 pm. See how many plastic bags perching inside the dustbin?

Anw, it is time to sleep, guess I am too exhausted at the moment